28 September, 2026
Author: Irina Zaretcaia Cotruta
What if we mixed up parenting with housekeeping?
Sometimes I look at my life with three children and think: how much of my time is just… servicing them. A personal column by Irina Zaretcaia Cotruta on a child's inner axis — and ten small family rituals that grow it.
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Servicing is easy. But parenting?
Sometimes I look at my life with three children and think: my God, how much of my time is just… servicing them.
Feed. Dress. Buy the thing they've outgrown again. Give away toys nobody plays with. Book the doctor. Check the schedule. Drive to football. Pick up from swimming. English. Homework. Kit. Teeth.
And there you are, having been a very good mum all day. Rushing around town like an electric broom, everyone fed, delivered, organised, supervised.
And in the evening a slightly uncomfortable question appears:
“When today did I actually parent them?”
Not serviced. Not developed. Not treated. Not organised their life. But precisely — parented.
What kind of people I want my children to become
Because if you asked me what kind of people I want my children to grow into, I would hardly answer: “To hand in their homework on time and never forget their swimming goggles.”
I want them to grow up kind. Honest. Compassionate. Able to notice another person. Withstand hardship. Understand their own emotions. Make choices. Be grateful. And know what is right for them even when mum isn't around.
But where do you learn all of this?
There's maths. There's English. Football, music, robotics — certainly.
But a club called “How to become a happy person” somehow doesn't exist 🙂
A child's inner axis
I like to think of parenting as feeding a child's inner axis. That inner backbone they'll be able to lean on later, when we're no longer around.
And this axis cannot be grown with a single lecture on the theme “be kind”.
It grows in small, repeated moments.
Here's what we started with in our family — without one more after-school club 😂
10 small rituals of our family
- Breathe together before sleep. Just 3–5 slow, mindful inhales and exhales.
- Sometimes ask not “how are you?” but: “What do you feel in your body right now?” Where is there tension? Warmth? Tickling? Calm?
- Before a meal, pause for half a minute, and everyone names one thing they're grateful for today.
- Read fairy tales a little slower. Not only “what happened next?”, but: why did the hero act that way? What would you have done? Was it kind?
- Have 10 minutes of family silence. No phones, no TV, no need to entertain anyone.
- Play yoga poses to release tension in the body: tree, butterfly, lion cub, cat — not perfectly, but joyfully.
- Before sleep, recall three good moments of the day. Even if one of them turns out to be ice cream 🙂
- When a child is “carried away” and you're starting to be carried away too — try contact first, parenting second. Hug. Breathe. Sit nearby. Sort things out once the storm passes.
- Regularly set aside at least 15 minutes one-on-one, when the child gets not only your physical presence but your attention. No parallel WhatsApp.
- Invent your own family ritual: a morning group hug, a wish for the day, a minute holding hands before sleep — something of your own.
This is what family yoga is
For me, this is probably what family yoga is.
Little islands where we stop, meet one another and slowly grow that same inner axis. The feeling of “we're together, I see you, I hear you, it's safe to pause here”.
And gradually these islands become a habit. And the habit becomes part of the family culture.
